31 Jan

No Defeat

The winter is my least favorite season. It causes many of the auto-immune disorders I have to flare up. During the last few weeks, I’ve had low-grade fevers, my joints have been hurting, I have a body rash, and I’ve had low energy. I had to get painful injections to the web spaces in my hands, which caused hematomas and has weakened the strength in my hands. And I’ve caught my daughter’s cold. In a nutshell, I feel like crap.

When I get like this, it slows down my productivity on my projects, and I can’t exercise like I should. I blame myself and I start feeling like a slacker, worthless, and guilty. It’s not until I see another person struggling with similar circumstances and wanting to do more than they should, that I get some perspective on my own situation.

I can only take it one day at a time; I don’t know why I let myself stress about what’s due two or three days or weeks out. I already do more than I should. Unfortunately, I can’t (or I refuse) to stay home and “rest.” Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I rested for far too long after the brain injury while my brain slowly healed. On any given day, I take stock of what I have to get done, and I put the absolutely necessary things at the top of the list, which always entail caring for Isabella. Thankfully I have a supportive husband who has my back at every turn. I can’t imagine getting through most days without his help.

It’s when things are tough that I mainly have to remember to be grateful for what I have. I could have it worse, and I try to be mindful that things will get better. I keep my faith, and I pray for strength and health for everyone who needs it. This chronic illness journey is a tough one, filled with ups and downs (lots of downs), but I refuse to let it beat me.


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